Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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