Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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