So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
