It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
