worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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