Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
