I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Randomize