Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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