Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
