He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
