At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
ugly people sure do ruin things
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
