no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm determined to sit on that face.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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