I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
