My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
