his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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