worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
