I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I have post one night stand depression
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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