KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
