Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
