Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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