I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
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I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.