My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
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Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
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you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same