what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Everyone says I win the strip club
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.