So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
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Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
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In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome