I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.