I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
