when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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