I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
