There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
