A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
