I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
