I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
