CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
