I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
My liver just broke up with me...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
