Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
