I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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