I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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