this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
