were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
