I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
