Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
