i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
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I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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