Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
