but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
