i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
