I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
that is very illegal...i love you.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
