he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
