if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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