Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
