Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
