oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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