We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
