I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
