Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
