oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I am naked and annoyed.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
