check it out our google latitudes are spooning
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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