Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
