Pants 0. Shit 1.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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