His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
