Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
