he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
