What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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