Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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