dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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