He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
