Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
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I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
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I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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