i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize