I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
