The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
