whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
