We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
