I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
