just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
my god I love twenty year old dicks
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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