I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
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That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
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Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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