Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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