last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i would one night stand the shit outta him
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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